I am a very quiet person. I am not outwardly affectionate, emotionally 'available', or easily approachable. A conversation with my husband today made me realize just how true that is.
We don't have the best communication between us. Neither of us seems to be able to get what we are really feeling across to the other person. But today I actually heard him. I didn't just hear him talking, I actually heard him.
I am not making him feel like I love him. Like I want to be here. Like I want him. I think I do, but he is not feeling that.
The only way I know how to show love is by being here. I figure if I'm still here, he should know I love him. That's not okay. Instead of feeling like being here is my sacrifice that should prove my love, I need to focus on showing him that despite the trials we go through, that being here, being in his life, him being in mine, is a blessing.
I always feel like I am taking on more than my husband. But if i ask myself why, the truth is I don't let him take take on more. I don't let him take on anything because I feel like I am showing that I cant take on everything. Like it is a sign of weakness.
Instead what I am really doing is not letting a man be a man. I'm not allowing my husband to head the household.
Now, I am not saying that I believe in the idea that a wife should be seen and not heard, and the husband calls all the shots. That is SO far from what I believe.
But, I do believe a man should be treated as a MAN. The man should play a major role in the house. The man should be allowed to lead his family and head his household.
I need to love him enough to let him LEAD me, not always have to follow MY lead