If I Let Him Lead, HE WILL (Part of the Converting Me - Road to Redemption series)

I am a very quiet person. I am not outwardly affectionate, emotionally 'available', or easily approachable. A conversation with my husband today made me realize just how true that is.

We don't have the best communication between us. Neither of us seems to be able to get what we are really feeling across to the other person. But today I actually heard him. I didn't just hear him talking, I actually heard him.

I am not making him feel like I love him. Like I want to be here. Like I want him. I think I do, but he is not feeling that.

The only way I know how to show love is by being here. I figure if I'm still here, he should know I love him. That's not okay. Instead of feeling like being here is my sacrifice that should prove my love, I need to focus on showing him that despite the trials we go through, that being here, being in his life, him being in mine, is a blessing.

I always feel like I am taking on more than my husband. But if i ask myself why, the truth is I don't let him take take on more. I don't let him take on anything because I feel like I am showing that I cant take on everything. Like it is a sign of weakness.

Instead what I am really doing is not letting a man be a man. I'm not allowing my husband to head the household.

Now, I am not saying that I believe in the idea that a wife should be seen and not heard, and the husband calls all the shots. That is SO far from what I believe.

But, I do believe a man should be treated as a MAN. The man should play a major role in the house. The man should be allowed to lead his family and head his household.

I need to love him enough to let him LEAD me, not always have to follow MY lead

Life Is Not A Movie; So Why All The Drama?

People are constantly saying how much they don't like drama. How much they wish their lives were calm, cool, and collected. Yet, those same people seem to always have some sort of drama in going on in, or around them and their life.


Now don't get it twisted! Drama and stress are often two different things but both can cause one or the other. Work can be stressful, kids can be stressful, school can be stressful. Hell LIFE can be stressful. But all these stressful situations don't have to turn into a Soap Opera!

So to assist those who may not know how to live DRAMA free, I have created the following:

10 RULES TO KEEPING BULLSHIT OUT OF YOUR LIFE!

1.       Mind Your Own Business - if it doesn’t involve *you or effect *you  directly. STAY OUT OF IT! *’you’ may also include your loved ones

2.       It Is Not Your Secret If You Tell – Assume that anything you say will be repeated 5 times over and often times incorrectly. If you want something to remain a secret…KEEP IT A SECRET!

3.       Diarrhea Does Not Smell Good – Don’t waste your time gossiping. Stop runnin' your mouth!

4.       Don’t Ask Don’t Tell – If they don’t ask for your advice, don’t give it. Now, there is some discretion with this one. If it is a danger to themselves or others,  illegal, or otherwise so assenine that the effects may be catastrophic, keep your opinion to yourself. 'If they like it, You love it'

5.       If You Build It They Will Come – If you set up situations or put yourself in situations where drama my build, DRAMA will come.

6.       Let Sleeping Dogs Lay – Nip drama in the bud ON SIGHT! Don’t keep it going, don’t let it fester.

7.       Take Out The Trash – Look around you. Often time’s drama doesn’t start with you, but rather those who you have in your circle. Those you let into your life should enhance your life. Be a positive energy in your life.  Get rid of those who have no place in your space!

8.       MAN UP! (or woman up) – If you find yourself caught up in drama, acknowledge your role in it, settle it, and MOVE ON. Don’t fuel drama then sit back like a Cheshire Cat.

9.       The Truth Shall Set You Free – I know that at some point in your life you were told that it takes more energy to lie, than tell the truth.  People tend to tell stories more than once. It's human nature. THE STORY SHOULDN’T BE DIFFERENT EVERY TIME YOU TELL IT.  Whether you tell a story once or a thousand times…if you’re telling the truth, then the truth should never change.

10.   Don’t Be A Whistle Blower - Just like with number 4 USE YOUR DISCRETION. But if discretion is not an issue in the situation, then it is not your job, nor your responsibility to keep everyone around you ‘updated’ on everyone else’s business. If it is not your business, it’s not yours to tell.

Life is stressful enough without all of that added bullshit. If you need excitement in your life, if you need to be involved in SOMETHING get a hobbie or join a group!

8 Crucial Things To Do After You or Someone You Know Has Been Raped

It is an ugly subject with even uglier statistics

• 44% of victims are under age 18
• 80% are under age 30
• Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted
• In 2007, there were 248,300 victims of sexual assault
• 60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police
• 15 of 16 rapists will never spend a day in jail
• Approximately 2/3 of assaults are committed by someone known to the victim
• 38% of rapists are a friend or acquaintance

1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime
17.7 million American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape.
While about 80% of all victims are white, minorities are somewhat more likely to be attacked.

Lifetime rate of rape /attempted rape for women by race:

• All women: 17.6%
• White women: 17.7%
• Black women: 18.8%
• Asian Pacific Islander women: 6.8%
• American Indian/Alaskan women: 34.1%
• Mixed race women: 24.4%

 As a rape survivor and sexual molestation survivor, I encourage everybody, women and men, to read the below information courtesy of Cosmopolitan.com. Many, if not everybody, either knows someone who was a victim (whether you know it or not) or was a victim themselves of some form of sexual assault.

8 Crucial Things To Do After You or Someone You Know Has Been Raped

No one expects to be in the position of dealing with the aftermath of an attack, so here’s what you need to know.

-Find a safe location away from the perpetrator. Ask a close friend to be with you for support.

-If you are still in the location where you were raped (for example, if it happened in your apartment or dorm room), don’t clean, straighten up, or remove anything.

-Report the crime to law enforcement, campus police, or a trusted school administrator.

-Don’t take a shower, wash your hands, brush your teeth, eat, or smoke.

-Preserve all evidence of the attack—don’t wash your clothing or sheets, etc.

-Write down all the details you can recall about the attack and the perpetrator.

-Even if you don’t feel up to it, go to the hospital. Once there, tell the doctor or nurse what happened and ask for STD tests and the morning after pill (if you’re not on birth control). Request a rape kit so that you’ll have biological proof of the attack. (Rape kits must be administered within 72 hours of the assault, and the sooner you get one done the better.) If you think you might have been drugged, ask for a urine sample to preserve evidence. To find a local hospital or healthcare facility that is equipped to collect forensic material, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE.

-If your school hasn’t protected your rights after a rape, contact Security on Campus at securityoncampus.org or the Victim Rights Law Center, a national organization that provides free legal services to sexual assault victims, at (617) 399-6720.

For free, completely confidential support and advice about anything, you can contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline 24/7 by calling 800.656.HOPE or IM-ing anonymously with a staffer from RAINN (The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) at online.rainn.org.